Marriage is not suppose to be a dry and drab relationship; it is suppose to be a loving and enthusiastic affair. Couples should be happy and enthusiastic when they see each other. They suppose to miss each other dearly when one of them travels and not to feel lonely when they are with each other. (SOS. 3:1-4, Genesis 2:23) This is what God want marriage to be.
1.Relationship. This is a situation whereby two people spend time and do things together and have romantic and sexual feelings towards each other. (Proverbs 18:24)
2.Romantic. It means to have strong feelings of love in a way that affects emotion, action and reaction towards the other party. Hence, to have a romantic relationship in marriage means, a situation where husband and wife have a strong feelings for each other which affects their emotion, action and reaction positively towards each other that makes them to love to spend time and do things together. (Proverbs 5:15-19)
Understanding marital relationship
R- Romantic. It involves feelings, emotion, thinking positively about each other, love to be together, and do things together. Having interest and looking forward to having sex together. If your marriage is not romantic, it will be traumatic
E- Enjoyment. Enjoying each other’s company, contribution etc.
L- Love. Having emotion and feelings mixed with compassion that makes you to serve the other party even if it is not convenient.
A- Acceptance. Accepting the person the way he/she looks, without complain; criticism and comparison bearing in mind that no two people are the same.
T- Trust/Truthfulness. There cannot be romantic relationship without love; there cannot belove without trust. There cannot be trust without truthfulness. Hence, we should learn to build trust through openness, truth and transparency.
I-Intimacy. This involves togetherness, fondness and oneness. It involves fusion even if opinions are different. It involves unity despite diversities.
O- Openness. This involves good and positive communication. This is the mother of intimacy, being able to voice one’s opinion in love without any fear. Without any secret; hidden agenda or dark room.
N- Nurturance. It is an English words that means loving, care and attention that you give to someone. Relationship involves nurturance, giving of care and attention. Don’t just love your partner in ‘MIND’ love him/her in ‘KIND’ and in ‘CASH’
S- Submission. It means somebody has to lead while the other follows. There will be no relationship if there is struggle for power; marriage is a romantic relationship not an Olympic contest. Hence, wives should learn to submit and subject themselves to their husbands (Eph. 5:22).
H- Honour. It means to treat someone with special respect, to let the person feel important and valued. For a relationship to be romantic there must be mutual respect and honour between couples. The way you address each other privately or publicly, the way you react when you are angry, how you talk about your spouse when he/she is not there. (Eph. 5:21)
I-Interaction. This involves a process by which two or more things have an effect on each other and work together. It also means acting or talking together and understanding each other. (Eccl. 9:9). Relationship needs understanding, communication, spending time together, affecting each other, overlapping duties and responsibilities, going out together, sharing each other’s burden etc.
P-Peace. No marriage can be romantic without peace. And to experience, there must be patience, carefulness, apologizing, forgiveness, agreement, etc.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life.